Safety & Urgent Help

If you don't feel safe, your safety comes first

For some people, separation is not just painful — it is dangerous. Abuse can continue or even worsen around the time of leaving a relationship. If you are in this situation, you are not alone, and there are people trained specifically to help you.

If you are in immediate danger

Recognising abuse

Abuse is not always physical. Many people do not recognise what they are experiencing as abuse until they begin to talk to someone. If any of the following feel familiar, you deserve support.

Emotional and psychological abuse

Being humiliated, criticised constantly, made to feel worthless, or told no one else would want you. Gaslighting — being made to doubt your own memory or perception of events.

Controlling behaviour

Having your movements monitored or restricted, being cut off from friends and family, being told what to wear, having decisions made for you, or being checked up on constantly.

Financial abuse

Having access to money controlled or denied, being prevented from working, having debts placed in your name without consent, or being left with no financial independence.

Post-separation abuse

Abuse does not always stop when the relationship ends. It can continue through ongoing harassment, using children as a way to maintain control, threats about the legal process, or pressure to return.

If you are not sure whether what you are experiencing is abuse, the helplines below can talk it through with you in confidence.

Key helplines and services

All of the services below are free, confidential and staffed by people trained to support those experiencing domestic abuse.

National Domestic Abuse Helpline

Run by Refuge. Free, confidential support for women and children experiencing domestic abuse. Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

0808 2000 247 Visit website

Women's Aid

Specialist support for women and children affected by domestic abuse, including an online live chat service and a directory of local domestic violence services across the UK.

Visit Women's Aid

Men's Advice Line

Confidential support for men experiencing domestic abuse — whether emotional, psychological, physical or sexual. Run by Respect.

0808 801 0327 Visit website

Galop — LGBTQ+ Domestic Abuse

Specialist support for LGBT+ people experiencing domestic abuse, sexual violence or hate crime. Helpline, online chat and email support available.

Visit Galop

The law offers several forms of protection if you are experiencing abuse from a partner or ex-partner. A solicitor or domestic abuse helpline can advise on the right option for your situation.

Non-Molestation Order

A court order that prohibits your partner or ex-partner from harassing, threatening or using violence against you or your children. Breaching it is a criminal offence. You can apply with or without a solicitor, and in urgent cases an order can be granted on the same day.

Occupation Order

A court order that can regulate who lives in the family home, and in some cases can require the abusive partner to leave the property. Particularly important where children are involved or where leaving would make you homeless.

Legal aid for domestic abuse

If you have experienced domestic abuse, you may be entitled to legal aid — free legal help — regardless of your income. A family solicitor or domestic abuse service can help you gather the evidence needed to apply. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline can also advise on this.

Staying safe when using devices

If you are in a controlling relationship, your devices may be monitored. Taking a few simple steps can help protect your privacy when seeking help.

  • Use a safe device. If possible, access support information from a device your partner does not have access to — a friend's phone, a library computer, or a device you have recently acquired. If you use your own device, clear your browsing history afterwards.
  • Check for location sharing. Many phones have location sharing built into apps like Google Maps, Apple Find My, or WhatsApp. Check your settings to see if your location is visible to your partner, and consider disabling it from a safe device.
  • Use private browsing. Your phone's private or incognito browsing mode does not save your browsing history locally — though it does not make you completely untraceable if your network is monitored.
  • Change passwords from a safe device. If you share account passwords, change them for email, banking, and social media as soon as it is safe to do so. Use a password manager to generate strong, unique passwords.

The National Domestic Abuse Helpline website has a quick-exit button that redirects you away from the page immediately if needed.

Emotional support after abuse

Leaving an abusive relationship is not the end of the healing process. Many survivors experience PTSD, anxiety, flashbacks, and difficulty trusting their own perceptions. These responses are normal — and they are treatable.

  • Specialist counselling and therapy for abuse survivors is available through services like Refuge, Women's Aid, and ISVA (Independent Sexual Violence Advisor) services. Ask your GP or a domestic abuse helpline about what is available locally.
  • NHS Talking Therapies can provide trauma-focused CBT and EMDR for people experiencing PTSD. In most areas you can refer yourself directly — ask about trauma-informed practitioners when self-referring.
  • If you experience flashbacks, panic, or feeling overwhelmed in the moment, the Calming Tools page has breathing and grounding exercises that can help bring you back to the present.

You are not alone

Leaving takes enormous courage, and what came before was not your fault. You do not have to have it all figured out before you reach out. Every step towards safety — however small — matters.